No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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