She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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