Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
