I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
