All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
