ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
