a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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