he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
