You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
