Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
