there was a trapeze. enough said
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sacagawea was the original milf.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
