is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
