you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize