it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
