Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
