Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
