just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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