i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just forgot I was standing up.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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