I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
