Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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