It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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