When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
