Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
