I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
