what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
