I just threw up on my dentist
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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