The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
