Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
