I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize