I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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