I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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