So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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