I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize