first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
