I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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