I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
