In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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