he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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