is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
