i permit you to call me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
