Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize