In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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