Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
