frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
