I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
