bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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