so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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