I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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