Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
