And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
