life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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