But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize