Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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