Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
