where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
worst night to have a conscience
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
