You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
