fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize