Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I pour the whiskey from now on
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
