i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
