I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
