Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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