Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
