I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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