im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
